Giant Cell Tumor – The Gym and Running
I recently realized that my left leg is still far weaker than its companion. That I’ve grown accustomed to allowing the right to carry more than its fair share of the burden. During my initial recovery from surgery I did physical therapy and then signed up for and started going to a gym. I continued the gym through the first winter. Trying to exercise in the cold was difficult, and navigating snow and ice seemed treacherous. But as soon as spring arrived I told myself that going out for walks and bike rides was sufficient, and I could skip the gym.
Truthfully, I hate the gym. I don’t hate exercise – I hate the gym. If I could go to the gym and be alone I’d be fine. And I recognize that this isn’t the fault of other gym attendees – this is my anxiety, my hangup. Everyone’s here for the same reason, I tell myself. No one’s watching you. No one cares.
I returned to the gym about a week ago. It was confirmation of how weak my leg is. On many of the machines, my left leg can only handle half – or even less – of the weight that my right can. And it’s not just muscle weakness, though that’s profound. It’s also flexibility. And it’s pain. Doing leg lifts with a mere 30 pounds hurts my knee. It’s not a severe pain, not a pain that’s sufficient to stop me from doing the exercise, but it’s more than enough to acknowledge.